The words 'rough sex' can conjure up all sorts of images for people.įor some it may be a little intimidating. Is there one step you can take towards each other? If you have been clear with your request, what was the reaction to it? Listen to your partner's response and bring your curiosity to it. If that's the case, don't dwell on what's not possible focus instead on what is possible. It may be that we need to accept this is a hard limit for our partner.ĭifficult as that may be, we need to be aware that not everyone likes everything. This is play on the darker side of things and it's good to remember that. One of the edgier parts of kink is that you do run into and sometimes push your boundaries. He may be running into his values when you ask for things like this. Or that it's not OK to treat women - or people in general - in a physically rough way (this is a good value to have!). Your boyfriend may have been brought up to believe that men need to behave like gentlemen and look after women. Some folks run into these gender roles and their own values when it comes to kink and role-playing. Consider gender rolesĪs much as many of us are trying to move away from gender roles, there are ideas and concepts that remain deeply ingrained in each of us. It's worth plucking up the courage to ask again, and again, if necessary.
Sometimes we cautiously mention things and it feels as though we have made a strong and bold request, but our partner may not have clocked it or realised it was a request.
Many people fear judgment when they want to talk about things that they like or would be interested in trying out. Meet Tanya KoensĬlinical and somatic sexologist and relationship counsellor Tanya Koens answers your questions on those tricky issues many of us experience in (and outside) the bedroom. You are not alone, it's one that is posed to me quite often.įirstly I wonder if you have spoken about your desires? Things like this can be difficult to articulate and talk about. How do I find a middle ground with him, while still respecting his boundaries?Īnswer: Thank you for writing in with this question. I find it hard to get turned on and it becomes boring, and I find I don't look forward to it. Question: I like really kinky sex that's rough, but my boyfriend only likes romantic sex. Before we start, let's be clear this story contains adult content and themes.